Auld Lang Syne

Auld Lang Syne

Its been six months since I last wrote in my blog and I have too many excuses why I stopped writing.  And that’s what they are just excuses – but there was a bigger underlying reason.  I was embarrassed.  I lost my mojo big time.  It was winter and I just couldn’t take everything I had learned over summer and autumn and use it to my advantage in winter.  I went back to the normal cold wet miserable I want to eat pattern that was part of my normal life and I didn’t care.  I started putting weight back on and the thought of exercising just make me feel blah.  I made so many excuses why I couldn’t.

I had lost momentum.  It’s kind of like giving up smoking.  I can take two or three goes to finally kick it in the butt (please excuse the pun) for good.  I am been smoke free for nearly two years now and it took three goes over five years to get through the barrier.  I’m not there yet – I still crave one now and again especially if I’m stressed and even now I think about starting up again as it would help with my weight loss but I know its something that won’t happen. 

I came to realise that I just wasn’t in the right head space during this time to continue all the good work I had accomplished between January and June.  I put back on 7 of those lovely 12 kgs I had lost. Stink huh.

It wasn’t all bad I must admit. I joined a gym and fell in love with CENTERGY.  Centergy is a one hour session of mixed Pilates and Yoga.  My sister Katrina started dragging me along with her and within a couple of weeks I was hooked.  I never ever thought I’d be into doing Warrior One or Upside Down Dogs or Child Pose but I love it.  Its amazing how much I noticed the changes within my body after 10 weeks.  Boy does it make you sweat.  It ended up being the highlight of my week and I think I have only missed two sessions now since I started. 

A new year is underway and I know that with it I have to get myself back on track.  And no I’m not doing a New Years resolution type thing.  I’m just doing a Kick in the Butt. Take Two.  If at first you don’t succeed…..   However it gets said moment in time and getting my mojo cranked up again.

So part of the change is that I am getting rid of the Beached Whale hat.  It’s too negative.  It maybe one of the “downer” things that put me out of kilter so I am changing my blog name to reflect something that’s truly more me – its who Ive been for the last few years and why I didn’t feel positive enough about starting my original blog with it is probably one of the things that has been holding me back.

Im going to leave all the old blog pages up here as they are still a part of me and still represent a slice of my journey and to change them into the new blog just wouldn’t seem right.

So without further ado we bid farewell to the Beached Whale and hello to Feeling Gruvie.

BootsnAll

These are my favourite pair of boots that I own.  I adore them but I cant wear them.  Why? because of my body.  I carry too much weight which in turn puts too much pressure on my lower back when I wear heels that are more than just a couple of centimetres off the the ground. So much so that by the end of the day if I wear any high boot or shoe I am usually limping from the weight being distributed into my lower back and feet.  So I keep my heels small and thick rather than talk and spiky.  

Drool Drool Drool

Heaven help me if I even think about wanting to buy Stilettos. One day I will be able to wear these luffy things again and strut my stuff again.  In the meantime I have a wardrobe full of another 15 pairs of boots I can still wear instead.

Right now I'm daydreaming of more boots for winter so I best blink and get on with the real topic.

A year ago today I was in Hamilton for the week spending some I guess you could call it on a working holiday.  I had spent Queens Birthday in Edgecumbe catching up with a mate and wanted to stay in Hamilton for the week so I could attend a concert on the following Friday.  So I managed to get my Manager to approve me working from the Hamilton office for the week and talked my girlfriend Tanya into letting me crash at her place for a few nights.

On the Wednesday she talked me into attending boot camp with her.  I said yes - but oh boy was I in for it.  I nearly died - in fact Tanya nearly died from the evil looks I was giving her as I was being tortured with running and stretching and push ups and sit ups and all those other horrible things.  The worst thing was it was in public.  Boot camp was held at the side of a park by Hamilton Lake.  So EVERYONE in-sundry could see the big flat flabby me making a fool of herself trying to keep up with the other inmates, I mean trainees.
  Karina at Só Você (Only You) - Health & Fitness was so lovely and oh so patient with me. Tanya kept cheering me on even when I was way way WAY behind the rest of the group.  By the end of the session I was shattered.  I could hardly talk, let alone walk back to the car.  I think it would have been fairer if they had called me an ambulance to take me away.

Today it's a totally different story.  I love boot camp.  I am currently going two nights a week and a third session on Saturday morning.  There are so many things that have changed with my body and my mind since I first started with MSP  - Soul Fitness that its so enjoyable to be there.

I can do squats and hold them now - never used to be able to even bend my legs.  I would always "use my back as a crane".  Now I can squat for both exercise or just for picking up something from the ground (well it depends on how tight my trousers are lol) and pull myself back up again without even a big sigh.

I can do triceps dips.  You know those god awful things I told you about a month or so back where you have to lever your body up and down with your hands holding onto a box or bench behind you.

These horrible things

I can jog - heck I haven't jogged since I was forced to when doing the Cross Country event up Moonshine Hill Road back in college days.  But yes I can now jog.  I so shocked myself a few weeks back when my body just decided that a fast walk just wasn't fast enough anymore and it clicked into second gear and started going faster.  Albeit it is a very slog jog but I can maintain it for the times when required.

I think the biggest change in my fitness though is that all the torturous things that Ness and Henry put me through three times are week are getting easier.  The original 5kg kettle bell I was having an affair with has now been bumped up to a minimum of 8kg or 12kg depending on which exercise we are doing. I can do the kettle bell squat with the 12kg but not really coordinated enough to use it with the swings so cut back down to the 8kg for that.

In fact Ness actually came up to me last week during a workout and took the "light" set of weights off me and make me use a heavier set (I think it was 15kg weight on the bar instead of 5kg lol).  

And you know what.  I'm usually one of the first to arrive at Bootcamp (usually a good 10-15 min early).  I'm usually the first one to initiate the walking warm up (laps up and down the gym) each session and I think the only thing I can't get myself down to do yet is Bear Crawls.  Tis bad enough seeing my butt up in the air each time Ness takes a photo of me pushing the weight sleigh lol. Though she did compliment me the last time I complained that my butt was nowhere near as big as what it was when I first started.

See thats my big butt on the right

Oh and I can kind of "Plank" too 

I'm a Plank in disguise

- just not that straight yet - but boy its one hell of an achievement so far don't you think.

1Potato2Potato

3 Potato 4
5 Potato 6 Potato
7 Potato More

well that's what I remember as a kid as to how the song goes.

Anyway what does 7 or more potatoes have to do with me and my journey.

Well, I'm trying to work out how many potatoes could actually be inside a standard sack of spuds.  That's a ten kg sack of spuds not just a 2, 3 or 5 kg bag but a whopping ten kgs. 

Do you know how heavy one of those bags are to lift and throw into your shopping trolley?  Almost heavy enough to need a man to do it for you.

So why am I fixated today on a 10kg sack of spuds?

Because thats how much weight I have lost so far in my journey. 

In fact its actually more than that - I hit 11.3 kg lost in total this week.

And why didnt I celebrate hitting the ten kg mark? - because it went by without me even realising it.

I got hit with a bad reaction to the Flu Jab last week on Monday morning and by the mid afternoon I was feeling hot and flustered and by 5pm I was in bed snuggled up with a box of tissues and thats pretty much where I stayed until Saturday. So my usual weigh in didnt happen because I just didn't have the energy to even bend down to turn the scales on. 

So when I did manage to jump on the scales on the Sunday morning instead, it was to find that it was reading 130.0 kg.  I had to reweigh myself a good two or three times because I didnt believe it.  I truly thought my scales were wonky.

So I decided to leave it, thinking that maybe there was an issue with me "over resting all week being in bed with the bad cold" and not being normally active and tried again on Monday morning and low and behold it within a hundred grams or so it was the same weight showing on the display.

So in ten days I had lost 2.2 kg - Im still in shock lol.  I guess the plateau I was so stressing over last month has finally stopped and my body has decided it was fine and dandy again to lose a bit more now.

So overall its been 125 days and I have lost 11.3 kg.

Im so proud of myself.

Im so proud that I have kept on this road.

Im so proud that I haven't quit on myself or on my supporters.

But most of all

Im really starting to actually see the difference in my body now.

Everyone has seen the changes in my face as picked up in my last blog but there are now other things I'm noticing with the rest of my body. 

My rings are getting way to loose on my fingers now that I think Im just going to have to take them off and put them away til I can afford to get them resized.

Under my arms isnt as saggy baggy anymore - this Ive noticed because my bras are feeling a bit looser.

My upper core isnt looking like Im totally bloated. I can see a little change there and also my butt has lost some of its padding.

Time to see if you can spot the changes from the beginning photo I took in January. 

There's a little difference there don't ya reckon?  And I'm not talking about my hair colour ok lol

Arent I amazeballs :)

So how many potatoes are in a 10 kg sack of spuds? About 80-100 depending on their size. 

Darth Vader's Wife

For nearly a year I have been living a semi secret life in the dark as Darth Vader's Wife and only a handful of people know but I've decided that it's time to come clean as such and let you all know about this. 

Sometime in 2012 I began snoring really bad. I it wasn't your normal every day, or I should really say, every night, snore but one that was bad enough that it started causing some unpleasant times between my then partner and myself.

Over the next year or so I tried all the different remedies I could afford. From sprays and foams to drops and mouth guards. Medicinal or herbal or old wives tales. Some would work for a while and give a small amount of relief and others did nothing but eat up my little bank balance. In the end himself even resorted to wearing ear plugs at nights and there were times when even these didn't work. He would get so grumpy (and rightfully so) and I would end up crawling into the cold spare bed in the night and crying myself back to sleep.

So I went off to my doctor and after some minor testing and discussions she said I could have OSA - Obstructive Sleep Apnea.  She filled off a form for a referral to The Respiratory team at Wellington Hospital.

A couple of months later I received a letter back from Wellington Hospital saying that the waiting list to see the specialist was over 6 months long and that I probably wasn't bad enough to warrant a referral anyway so they were declining my request.  

I was pretty disheartened, and poor himself was pretty grumpy still and I would spend my days at work really tired and fatigued (and shirty) because I wasn't getting enough sleep.
By January of 2014 himself and I had parted company.  One of the reasons for our break up was my "lack" of trying to find another solution to my snoring issue.

In February last year I realised "oh crap" my drivers license had expired because my birthday had been and gone.  So I went off to renew it (you do get a couple of weeks or so grace period after expiry date to get it sorted) but they told me I had to complete a full medical if I wanted to keep my heavy trade licences as it had been over ten years since I did the last medical.

So back to my GP I went who decided that my sleep apnea was BAD enough and that she would not issue me with a tick on my medical and sent off a letter to the Respiratory Clinic with a recommendation that they do make an appointment for me as she was revoking my licenses for heavy trade driving.  And Yup i was pretty upset about but realised it was the only way that we could push for a referral to the specialist. 

And within a few weeks a miracle happened and I received an appointment with the Specialist for a month or so into the future.

So long story short I went off to my specialist appointment who said yes I could well have OSA and he would send a referral to WellSleep who would complete an overnight sleep study.

So the time came for my sleep study and off I went.  I arrived in the early evening and was taken downstairs to a hospital room all ready and waiting for me, with dinner provided and a tv to keep me out of trouble.

When I had eaten and got changed into my jammies they hooked me up to a whole lot of diodes and wires and left me to sleep the night away.   There were at least 8-10 diodes glued to my head alone - but the technician promised faithfully that the glue would come out next time I washed my hair lol.

All the diodes and wires were connected to a central unit which was then plugged into a port on the wall.  I felt so silly.  I looked even sillier.

Don't I look hotstuff

During the night they came in and out a few times (especially when I woke up to go to the toilet - they had to come and "unplug me lol) and in the end plugged me up to a machine to assist with my breathing to see the difference in before and after results.  It was a really restless night.  More so because of the hospital bed rather than being stuck to the wires.

In the morning, after brekkie, in came the verdict.  The results showed that I stopped breathing at minimum once every minute in my sleep - that's at least once every 30 seconds.  If you equate that to an eight hour sleep session - thats 960 times a night I stop breathing in my sleep.  So the diagnosis was that I had severe Obstructive Sleep Apnea.

So now every night when I go to bed, I first put on the blue chin strap which holds my mouth closed at night - and not its not to stop me from dribbling lol.  Then I put on my makeup I mean my mask, over the top and plug the mask into the hose which connects to the CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure) therapy machine which forces humidified air into my nose and down my airways to keep them open so I can get a proper nights sleep.

The machine itself the hospital leases to me for free BUT I have to pay for parts.  A filter replacement every month is $10 and I had to go and purchase a new mask a few weeks back because it split and that was over a hundred dollars.  If the machine needs repairs I hate to think how expensive that would be.

I have to sleep attached to the machine every night and it goes everywhere with me.  It could have had its own passport when I was away in the US and Canada over Christmas/New Year - though on the positive side I don't get stung for extra baggage for it as its medical equipment.

Now I may nor may not lose the use of this machine once I lose all the weight I want to get rid of.  Losing the weight will be an added advantage to my throat as there will not be as much weight on my neck forcing my airways closed at night.   I will have the opportunity to be retested once I get down to under 100 kgs.

But for now we assume that for the rest of my life I'm going to be Darth Vaders Wife. 
With a face like this Im sure to find myself a man right? lol.

Gawd I'm gorgeous

Accentuate the Positive

OK so I'm bouncing around in a bit of a rut 

I need to focus on some of the positive changes that have happened and I set myself a challenge to find 10 good things that have happened to me since I started on this roller coaster ride.

1). The biggest change is that I have lost 8 kg in 100 days. That by itself should be cause for celebration. The fact that I haven't lost any weight in the last 20 of those 100 days shouldn't scare me off. I just need to change my focus, try some new ideas and re-gain some traction right? All the ideas I've put together in my last post will help I'm sure. 

2). I have lost at least three centimetres off me butt, a good two centimetres off my neck, some around the area under my breasts, two and a half centimetres have gone off my hips but nothing on my tummy girth.   Clothes are starting to feel looser in some places but not that lose that I have to get smaller sizes yet. My tummy is still in the way for that just yet. 

3).  It's really funny but the circumference of my feet have shrunk. I know this because there are some pairs of my shoes that are now too big and Ive had to go and throw them aside to deliver to an op shop and go buy some new ones - well that's not a bad thing is it?  New shoes mmmmmm.

Christmas 2014

4).  Everyone is commenting on the changes they have seen in my face. That I have lost some of the puffiness and my skin is looking a lot healthier. Can you notice the difference in the last four months? 

April 2015

5). My nose is skinnier. Seriously. It is. I know this because my glasses keep slipping off the bridge lol. 

6). I'm not scared about going to boot camp anymore. In fact I'm really starting to enjoy it. I can do the whole 45 min without quitting though I'm not up to jogging or running pace, I can do a good quick walk.   In fact 7 weeks ago I couldn't even attempt to do a triceps dip like in the photo below but I managed to do five at boot camp on Monday night.   I even got a high five from my trainer. That was sweet 

7:). I can walk up the three flights of stairs between our four floors at work without stopping. I still get a bit puffed when I make it to Level 11 from Level 8 but it doesn't last or hurt like it used to. 

8). In fact I'm doing a lot more walking. The longest I've achieved is 4.93 km and that took 40 minutes. I turn on Map My Walk and "start my workout", find the AP for The Sound radio station and off I go. Walking is a good way of clearing the mind. I usually don't try to think about anything or anyone, though I wouldn't call it meditating but it's just a sense of mindfulness. 

9). I'm still having a love affair with Daf. You remember her. My luffly bright yellow push bike. Her and I have had some great excursions. Best one was 11.5 kms. I try to get out on her even now in the autumn but the winds just keep getting in the way and so I'm only getting 3 or 4 km rides in now but even so with all the friction from the headwinds I sure I burn more calories lol   In fact my app tells me that I have logged 338 km of walks and bike rides since 12th Jan. 

And finally number 10). It took me a while to think what number ten was and the. It dawned on me. 

I'm feeling a lot happier within my own self and more positive towards life in general. Sure I still have some stresses happening especially with not having any luck selling my house and pressure coming from the bank and a couple of workmen that I haven't been able to pay for the work they have completed on the house but that aside I am beginning to love myself again.

HOLD THE PHONE

I put on my favourite dress this morning so it would give me a little lift and holy cow.  I put on the dress and then the belt and realised that I had gone down a few notches.  Actually I've gone down three notches from the original one I used when I first wore the dress a year ago.

High fives and a head swell for me and ......

So ill leave the last word to the most wonderful Aretha Franklin

  

Hang on Help is on its way

So for the last three weeks or so, I've been pretty down that my weight loss hasn't been moving much from the 133kg mark- oh did I forget to tell you that I had made it down 8 kg - oh dear I'm sorry I forgot to yell out that achievement.  I made an 8 kilo loss in 80 days.

Anyway over the past three weeks I've been fluctuating between 133.3 and 133.9 kg's without much success in moving in any lower.  While It hasn't depressed me, its put me in a bit of a blah head space which in turn stopped my motivation to blog.  Which is really wrong because I should be able to blog the bad as well as the good - its what a blog is there for - to give me the space to express all the trials and tribulations.

My exercise had petered of somewhat due to the change in weather - sometimes a bit too windy or wet to bike and walk these days and I was being a bit naughty and having little treats too often.

So I decided that I needed some more support.

First things first - off to the Doctor for a check up last Friday. (Side note - she heads off on maternity leave in a couple of weeks and I don't like her replacement, so maybe its time to actually make the move to a local doctor and forget travelling back out to the Hutt).

Dr Liz recommended signing me up for a Green Prescription.  

A Green Prescription is a primary health initiative where GPs and practice nurses write a referral for a patient to access support for increasing their physical activity.  The Green Prescription is run by Sport Wellington and their support staff provide 3-4 months of phone support to assist me in finding enjoyable physical activity options and fit the activities into a routine and get me into the mood to make exercise a habit.  Which is going to be great to find alternative things to do during winter.

Another great thing about this Green Prescription is that they will do a referral to Wellington City Council for me to get a Leisure Card (through Wellington City Council) which gives me 50% discount off the admission to the local swimming pools and the Spa Pool (ahhhhh sigh) and 20% discount off the associated fitness centre memberships.
There's also some other added value like receiving discounts on theatre tickets or museum entry fees or other recreation and leisure services.

The other thing Im off to do is a 10 week Wahine (that's Maori for Woman) Wellness Course run by the team at MSP Soul Fitness (where I do boot camp).  It starts tomorrow night and covers everything from health checks, education, nutrition, and physical activity sessions as well as some inspiring and motivating speakers.  

Ive even given up Toastmasters for the next five meetings (Toasties is held fortnightly) so that I can attend this course.  Its free for the Wednesday night sessions and then i just pay $2 for the exercise sessions I attend - which will be my normal Monday night and then maybe the 7.15am Saturday morning session if I'm feeling motivated.

So thats the plan of attack - I think, no I KNOW that this is going to help.  As always Ill keep you posted.

Another Brick in the Wall

I have lost NO friggen weight in the last two weeks.  After such a great start I've hit my first Brick Wall.  For two weeks now I have gone up and down like a yoyo on the scales that I know something isnt right in my life right now but I just cant pin point it to one specific thing.  

Someone tried to tell me that I'm just retaining water but its not that simple really is it?

So the things I do know that have gone a little skew-wiv are

• Yes I have been a bit less active due to the weather - I cant get out and bike every day right now because its either to wet or too wild, so that means I don't get to walk as much either.  I try to compensate by walking down the stairs at work as much as I can and walking around the block a few times at work and keeping up with my Monday boot camp as well as when it has been fine enough out to walk or bike I do it but it hasn't been enough, so the time has come where I have to give in and join a gym.
  
• Foot intake - Its Autumn, its getting colder so its like i need hotter food - not hot as in spicy but hot as in warmth.  So its my body telling me that just like the change in seasons, its needing a change in what it is getting - so out with the salads and in with the hot meals, the heavy meals, the comfort food.  STOP already tummy.  Im trying to make a change here and you aren't helping.  Someone get me a hypnotist already.  How do I stop wanting takeout, or toasted sandwiches or baked potatoes, or pies, or chips, or  or or all those other luffly hot stuff we tend to draw towards at this time of the year.  I did a crockpot chicken and veges on Sunday.  I ate it Sunday for dinner, Monday for lunch and dinner and theres still at least 4 more servings sitting in the fridge but im bored with it already.  Ive got no room in the freezer so I guess Ill just be chucking out leftovers.  Its so hard sometimes trying to cook for just one person.
  
• Stress is rearing its little head again.  I need to stop procrastinating about the fact that my house hasnt sold through this new great online real estate company.  The bank is breathing down my neck because I cant pay the mortgage while its empty and the luffly man who gave me a deal to do some painting and recarpeting and hold off for payment until the house is sold is now starting to get antsy and I dont blame him - its been four months.
  
• Water consumption is down because its not so hot anymore and im starting to notice that Im not drinking as many cup fulls of water a day.

So yes putting it down in words has given me an insight into what I need to do to get myself back on track.

1. Go suss out a gym or two to see which is the right fit for me.
2. Find some more inspiration for eating right
3. Go give in and talk to a real real estate agent and organise for the house to go under Tender
4. Keep up my fluids.
5. Remember.....

But I also need your help - what have I missed?  what other ideas do you have that I don't?
Please leave me a message below with your thoughts and ideas and give me some inspiration.