Accentuate the Positive

OK so I'm bouncing around in a bit of a rut 

I need to focus on some of the positive changes that have happened and I set myself a challenge to find 10 good things that have happened to me since I started on this roller coaster ride.

1). The biggest change is that I have lost 8 kg in 100 days. That by itself should be cause for celebration. The fact that I haven't lost any weight in the last 20 of those 100 days shouldn't scare me off. I just need to change my focus, try some new ideas and re-gain some traction right? All the ideas I've put together in my last post will help I'm sure. 

2). I have lost at least three centimetres off me butt, a good two centimetres off my neck, some around the area under my breasts, two and a half centimetres have gone off my hips but nothing on my tummy girth.   Clothes are starting to feel looser in some places but not that lose that I have to get smaller sizes yet. My tummy is still in the way for that just yet. 

3).  It's really funny but the circumference of my feet have shrunk. I know this because there are some pairs of my shoes that are now too big and Ive had to go and throw them aside to deliver to an op shop and go buy some new ones - well that's not a bad thing is it?  New shoes mmmmmm.

Christmas 2014

4).  Everyone is commenting on the changes they have seen in my face. That I have lost some of the puffiness and my skin is looking a lot healthier. Can you notice the difference in the last four months? 

April 2015

5). My nose is skinnier. Seriously. It is. I know this because my glasses keep slipping off the bridge lol. 

6). I'm not scared about going to boot camp anymore. In fact I'm really starting to enjoy it. I can do the whole 45 min without quitting though I'm not up to jogging or running pace, I can do a good quick walk.   In fact 7 weeks ago I couldn't even attempt to do a triceps dip like in the photo below but I managed to do five at boot camp on Monday night.   I even got a high five from my trainer. That was sweet 

7:). I can walk up the three flights of stairs between our four floors at work without stopping. I still get a bit puffed when I make it to Level 11 from Level 8 but it doesn't last or hurt like it used to. 

8). In fact I'm doing a lot more walking. The longest I've achieved is 4.93 km and that took 40 minutes. I turn on Map My Walk and "start my workout", find the AP for The Sound radio station and off I go. Walking is a good way of clearing the mind. I usually don't try to think about anything or anyone, though I wouldn't call it meditating but it's just a sense of mindfulness. 

9). I'm still having a love affair with Daf. You remember her. My luffly bright yellow push bike. Her and I have had some great excursions. Best one was 11.5 kms. I try to get out on her even now in the autumn but the winds just keep getting in the way and so I'm only getting 3 or 4 km rides in now but even so with all the friction from the headwinds I sure I burn more calories lol   In fact my app tells me that I have logged 338 km of walks and bike rides since 12th Jan. 

And finally number 10). It took me a while to think what number ten was and the. It dawned on me. 

I'm feeling a lot happier within my own self and more positive towards life in general. Sure I still have some stresses happening especially with not having any luck selling my house and pressure coming from the bank and a couple of workmen that I haven't been able to pay for the work they have completed on the house but that aside I am beginning to love myself again.

HOLD THE PHONE

I put on my favourite dress this morning so it would give me a little lift and holy cow.  I put on the dress and then the belt and realised that I had gone down a few notches.  Actually I've gone down three notches from the original one I used when I first wore the dress a year ago.

High fives and a head swell for me and ......

So ill leave the last word to the most wonderful Aretha Franklin

  

Hang on Help is on its way

So for the last three weeks or so, I've been pretty down that my weight loss hasn't been moving much from the 133kg mark- oh did I forget to tell you that I had made it down 8 kg - oh dear I'm sorry I forgot to yell out that achievement.  I made an 8 kilo loss in 80 days.

Anyway over the past three weeks I've been fluctuating between 133.3 and 133.9 kg's without much success in moving in any lower.  While It hasn't depressed me, its put me in a bit of a blah head space which in turn stopped my motivation to blog.  Which is really wrong because I should be able to blog the bad as well as the good - its what a blog is there for - to give me the space to express all the trials and tribulations.

My exercise had petered of somewhat due to the change in weather - sometimes a bit too windy or wet to bike and walk these days and I was being a bit naughty and having little treats too often.

So I decided that I needed some more support.

First things first - off to the Doctor for a check up last Friday. (Side note - she heads off on maternity leave in a couple of weeks and I don't like her replacement, so maybe its time to actually make the move to a local doctor and forget travelling back out to the Hutt).

Dr Liz recommended signing me up for a Green Prescription.  

A Green Prescription is a primary health initiative where GPs and practice nurses write a referral for a patient to access support for increasing their physical activity.  The Green Prescription is run by Sport Wellington and their support staff provide 3-4 months of phone support to assist me in finding enjoyable physical activity options and fit the activities into a routine and get me into the mood to make exercise a habit.  Which is going to be great to find alternative things to do during winter.

Another great thing about this Green Prescription is that they will do a referral to Wellington City Council for me to get a Leisure Card (through Wellington City Council) which gives me 50% discount off the admission to the local swimming pools and the Spa Pool (ahhhhh sigh) and 20% discount off the associated fitness centre memberships.
There's also some other added value like receiving discounts on theatre tickets or museum entry fees or other recreation and leisure services.

The other thing Im off to do is a 10 week Wahine (that's Maori for Woman) Wellness Course run by the team at MSP Soul Fitness (where I do boot camp).  It starts tomorrow night and covers everything from health checks, education, nutrition, and physical activity sessions as well as some inspiring and motivating speakers.  

Ive even given up Toastmasters for the next five meetings (Toasties is held fortnightly) so that I can attend this course.  Its free for the Wednesday night sessions and then i just pay $2 for the exercise sessions I attend - which will be my normal Monday night and then maybe the 7.15am Saturday morning session if I'm feeling motivated.

So thats the plan of attack - I think, no I KNOW that this is going to help.  As always Ill keep you posted.

Another Brick in the Wall

I have lost NO friggen weight in the last two weeks.  After such a great start I've hit my first Brick Wall.  For two weeks now I have gone up and down like a yoyo on the scales that I know something isnt right in my life right now but I just cant pin point it to one specific thing.  

Someone tried to tell me that I'm just retaining water but its not that simple really is it?

So the things I do know that have gone a little skew-wiv are

• Yes I have been a bit less active due to the weather - I cant get out and bike every day right now because its either to wet or too wild, so that means I don't get to walk as much either.  I try to compensate by walking down the stairs at work as much as I can and walking around the block a few times at work and keeping up with my Monday boot camp as well as when it has been fine enough out to walk or bike I do it but it hasn't been enough, so the time has come where I have to give in and join a gym.
  
• Foot intake - Its Autumn, its getting colder so its like i need hotter food - not hot as in spicy but hot as in warmth.  So its my body telling me that just like the change in seasons, its needing a change in what it is getting - so out with the salads and in with the hot meals, the heavy meals, the comfort food.  STOP already tummy.  Im trying to make a change here and you aren't helping.  Someone get me a hypnotist already.  How do I stop wanting takeout, or toasted sandwiches or baked potatoes, or pies, or chips, or  or or all those other luffly hot stuff we tend to draw towards at this time of the year.  I did a crockpot chicken and veges on Sunday.  I ate it Sunday for dinner, Monday for lunch and dinner and theres still at least 4 more servings sitting in the fridge but im bored with it already.  Ive got no room in the freezer so I guess Ill just be chucking out leftovers.  Its so hard sometimes trying to cook for just one person.
  
• Stress is rearing its little head again.  I need to stop procrastinating about the fact that my house hasnt sold through this new great online real estate company.  The bank is breathing down my neck because I cant pay the mortgage while its empty and the luffly man who gave me a deal to do some painting and recarpeting and hold off for payment until the house is sold is now starting to get antsy and I dont blame him - its been four months.
  
• Water consumption is down because its not so hot anymore and im starting to notice that Im not drinking as many cup fulls of water a day.

So yes putting it down in words has given me an insight into what I need to do to get myself back on track.

1. Go suss out a gym or two to see which is the right fit for me.
2. Find some more inspiration for eating right
3. Go give in and talk to a real real estate agent and organise for the house to go under Tender
4. Keep up my fluids.
5. Remember.....

But I also need your help - what have I missed?  what other ideas do you have that I don't?
Please leave me a message below with your thoughts and ideas and give me some inspiration.

Its just a blue day

A year ago I was in a pretty bad space.

January saw the beginning of the end as far as I was concerned.  I was trying to cope with being diagnosed with severe depression, my weight had ballooned. My relationship with my partner of five years had fallen apart. I had moved out and through the kindness of the most dearest friend, Mal, had found somewhere to live until I could sort myself, or my relationship out and I was a blubbering mess.

By the beginning of March my relationship was over and it wasn't my decision, but the decision was made because of an open letter I wrote and published on Facebook explaining what I was going through, what I was feeling and how I wasn't coping.  It was a letter to Jason and to my friends, acknowledging I was sick and needing help, an outpouring of all my thoughts and feelings, the good and the bad, a way of bringing all my anxiety out in the open, a way of repairing.  It was to me all a part of my healing process.  Unfortunately Jason didn't think so and made the decision that he didn't want to try to heal our relationship and it was over. 

Me in March 2014 - check out the false smile

I didn't think that life could have gotten so awful.  I wasn't suicidal or anything like that but I couldn't think straight, I couldn't sleep or eat properly, I lived on a never ending supply of bourbon.  I started smoking a bit again - not regularly but when I felt that emotionally wrenched I needed the calming influence of nicotine. How on earth I coped at work I don't know.  There was a lot of running behind closed meeting room doors when I would start crying for no reason.  A lot of mindless walks around outside trying to calm down and clear my head.



Mal was a godsend.  He was always there when I needed to borrow his shoulder, to cry on or for a hug.  He never gave me advice or told me what I needed to do, but he listened to all of my outpourings.  He put up with me cleaning his flat, cooking for him and making him do the dishes.  Mind you I was trying to put him in training for when his luffly lady Jackie would be arriving from England to live with him.

Blue Day by the band Mi Sex was my song.  Every time I played it, I cried, I blubbered.  But it was my mantra.  I played this song over and over and over and over again.  I'm surprised Mal never shouted at me for playing it so much. I'm sure it, and me, got on his nerves more than once or twice.

It's hard to make believe everyday
Things are not always the way they should be
Words come easy if you-ou try
Hidin' in the shadow of your eyes

And I tell myself it's just a blue day
And it's hard to see it any other way
And I tell myself it's just a blue-ue day

Siftin' through the thoughts that lead you on
Find the door that's open, now you're gone
We softly say to our-ourselves
If we could be anybody else

And I tell myself it's just a blue day
And it's hard to see it any other way
Blue day-ay
Blue day-ay

When you fin'ly see the change in me
It's hard to understa-and
Why can't you see I'm just the same
As any other man
I can't seem to shake it off
It follows me around
Blue day-ay
Blue day-ay-ay-ayay-ay-ay

And I tell myself it's just a blue day
And it's hard to see it any other way
I tell myself it's just a blue day
And it's hard to see it any other way
And I tell myself it's just a blue day
So hard to see it any other way
Blue-day-ay-ay-ay
(I tell myself it's just a blue day) 

A year ago last week was the Newtown Festival and there I bumped into Erin.  She was one in my extended circle of contacts.  We had met through a dating website of all places and was one of my friends on Facebook.  She came up to me and gave me a big hug.  Told me not to worry, that everything was going to be alright.  It might not seem like it right now but it would be.

Then she said "Oh and if you want something to take your mind off things why don't you come and help out at Roller Derby". I think i remember saying something like "Yeah right - like I'm going to get on skates again in this lifetime".

Erin explained that they were in need of people to be NSOs - that's Non Skating Officials, for the uninitiated. 

So I said "sure why not, I can come along and watch and see if I like it or not".

So plans were made that day.

A year later, Erin and I met up at this years Newtown Festival in the same spot on the same day and you know what she was right.

Jo and Erin at Newtown Festival 2015

Everything is alright.

I've started losing weight - 7.2kg today (over eight weeks)

I'm still alive and kicking

I'm managing to turn my life around again.

I went to watch Roller Derby and now I am an NSO for Richter City Roller Derby.  I play Scorekeeper or Jam Tracker or Jam Timer and blow the whistle and yell with authority (I love those bits lol),

I managed to find myself somewhere to live. I couldn't live with Mal and Jackie when she arrived.  It wouldn't have been fair on their little love nest no matter how welcome I was.  I decided to stay in Lyall Bay which ironically was the place I used to live with my ex husband before we got married (something like 27 years ago lol).  

You know, I still miss Jason, a little part of me still loves him dearly and wishes that I could turn back time, but I know that is never going to happen.  That we will probably never be friends is a certainty given the animosity over the last few months (but that's another story maybe for another time). 

My year of mourning the loss of the man I wanted to grow old with is now over and a new day (purple of course lol) has begun. 

I also heard my song the other night for the first time in a what seems like forever now.  I was at the bowling club last Friday night and it played on the radio.  It wasn't until just about the end of the song when I clicked it was playing - and I said to myself "Thanks for that song Mi Sex - boy did it help me in my time of need..

And you know what....... 

It was just a blue day

Oh and I haven't had another cigarette again.

Its the little things

Its the little things I've noticed over the last few weeks that have really started to make a change and I realise that Shit yes they were big things in my unhealthy life. Far more than the actual weight on the scales, these little things are starting to give me confidence to continue.  Though the scales are telling me I have achieved a 5.4 kg weight loss over the last six weeks, its not always about the wins on the scales that matter, but the wins in your lifestyle changes.

On Friday at the stadium watching the Black Caps slaughter England I walked up the 30+ steps to Row X three times, that's three times without stopping. I could not have done that a couple of months ago.

Today it was I walked up two flights of stairs between Floor 8 and Floor 10 of our building without stopping and without being winded.  That's a first.

Last Monday at Bootcamp I managed to do squats holding a 10 kg weight - I can't remember the last time I squatted (well without it being on the toilet haha).

And at Roller Derby scrimmage last week, we had to "take a knee".  Take a knee means a Skater has been injured on the track and we go down on bended knee as a Health and Safety requirement until the Skater is able to be removed from the track.  There was no way I used to be able to do this.  It was just too hard for me to get down and then get back up again - in fact it was really embarrassing - but last week I did it.  I managed to get down, stay down and get myself up.  All without struggling and all without help.  For me that is a biggie because its always been a hard thing to try to do.

And funnily enough my feet are changing.  I have two pairs of Wedges that I cant wear anymore before the circumference of my feet has shrunk and the shoes are now too well baggy on me hahaha.

And lastly the shape of my face is changing so everyone says.  I dont really see it myself as I stare into the mirror each day but those who havent seen me in a while saw a photo of me or the real me on Friday and commented that they could see that I had lost some of the puffiness in my face - what do you reckon?

Christmas 2014

February 2015

The Scales of Judgement

Under the unforgiving Thanalan sun lie the ruins of an ancient temple half-devoured by the shifting sands of a timeless desert.  The Hall of Maat is where the judgment of the dead was performed. This was done by weighing one's heart (conscience) against the feather of Maat (truth and justice). The heart must not be heavier then the feather of Maat. This was not a physical weighing of the organ by living Egyptians, it was a ceremony that took place in the afterlife and was performed by the gods

These days we weigh ourselves against a different type of scale but still we judge ourselves wanting.

Weighing scales (usually just "scales" in UK and Australian English, "weighing machine" in South Asian English or "scale" in US English) is a measuring instrument for determining the weight or mass of an object.

A set of scales are a necessity when you are losing weight but they are not always a good thing to have around.  Especially where you can get free access to them day after day hour after hour.

Its a fascination that one just cannot stop.  

We are told; 

Weigh yourself at the same time every time you need to weigh yourself - usually first thing in the morning (after your first visit to the bathroom).  This is when you are at your most relaxed, most dehydrated and your most accurate weight.

We are also told

DONT WEIGH YOURSELF EVERYDAY!!!!!!!!

I went and purchased my own set of scales recently because I didn't trust the scales at work - they kept fluctuating too much for my liking every time I stood on them and it was hard to work out if i was losing any weight or not. 

So I went and purchased a set on special that did my weight, BMI and some other funky measuring that I haven't worked out.  This way I knew that I would be getting an accurate measurement of how I was doing. 

Thursdays are my official weigh in day and every Thursday so far except for this week I have lost weight.  There have been six Thursdays and for five in a row I had steadily lost weight until this week where to my horror I had put on 700 grams.  I didnt believe it.  I had to weigh myself 3 times over a 15 minute period because I was so upset that I had put on this weight.  I even made sure I went to the toilet again hoping that would help but nope.

I went through my day quite disappointed in myself.  

Now I know it happens, you gain weight to lose weight.  You gain muscles to lose fat but honestly for the first time in this change of lifestyle it really got me down.

Friday being the next morning I jumped on the scales again and YAH i had lost that gain and more. Saturday, bloody hell weight gain again, and this morning, well it was the same weight as yesterday.

Now I know the rules DO NOT WEIGH YOURSELF EVERYDAY but i see these scales every morning sitting in my bathroom on the floor saying "Hi Jo wanna peek at yourself today?" and I cant say no.  

Oh Crap

Hi My name's Jo and I am an Addict. 

Weighing on my mind

OMG My back

Honestly was I stupid or what.

Yesterday I accepted and invitation to go and visit a boot camp style fitness group MSP-Soul-Fitness and participate in one of their sessions to see whether or not it would be a fit for me.

So I got picked up by the awesome Robbie (who I know from Lyall Bay Bowling Club). He drove me over to the Marist St Pats Gym in Kilbirnie and introduced me to Vanessa and Henry who run the group.  

MSP Soul Fitness is a casual fitness group.  It runs Mondays and Friday evenings at 6.30pm, Tuesday and Thursday mornings at 6am and Saturday mornings at 7am for 45 min to an hour.  You pay a fee of $5 a session or can buy a 10 trip ticket for $45.

So I did it.  I tried it out.  At first it wasn't too bad - 5 min of casual walking, 5 min of stretches and lunges to warm up.  I wasn't fast.  In fact I was the slowest but it was all about "at your own pace".  And you know what I wasn't the largest woman there.  There were a mix of old and young, big and small, tall and short, all levels' all sizes and apart from being nervous being the newbie I felt ok about being there.

Then because it was a gorgeous day outside we went out to the rugby field where we were split into two groups.  The first group (including lucky me) were told to run.  Run or jog around the rugby field for ten minutes, including small sprints at the end of each lap.  I didn't run, I didn't jog, i just walked it and Vanessa whispered to me i could be forgiven for not doing the sprints too - YAH me.  

So I made it around the circumference of the rugby field 3 times in that ten minutes.  A rugby field is 100m long and 69m wide, so calculating my distance

100 x 2 = 200
69 x 2 = 138

200 + 138 = 338

338 x 3 = 1014

therefore

I walked 1.014 km in ten min OMG that's the quickest I've walked. Usually 2km takes me half an hour.

It didn't stop there.

After a 2 min breather and a slug or two of water we swapped places with the other team and got to stand in front of heavens above - Barbells.

Right you lot Henry yelled out.  You have ten minutes to do sets of four different exercises and you cannot stop at all during any one set. You can only stop at the end of each set.  Away you go.

Ummmmmmmm

Me?? Lift weights? Seriously? ohhhhhhhhhhhkay.

So I did 10 reps of Front Deltoids Raises, 10 reps of Bicep Curls, 10 reps of Military Press, and 10 reps of Squats.  Actually I DID IT.  I did one set without stopping.  WOW.  I impressed myself.  I tried again and ok this time it wasn't as easy.  In fact by the third exercise I was struggling but I made it through and threw the barbell down on the grass.  

Took a break had a drink and said yes I can do this.  So I started a third set and UH HO my arms decided to protest and didn't want me to do anything other than actually lift the barbell up off the ground.  I pushed my way through the agony and managed to do the third exercise but just couldn't get the energy to complete the fourth so I snuck my barbell down before Henry had a chance to catch me.



FARRRRKK I was had it.  That took me 7 out of the 10 minutes to complete but others were still going and going good.  What I didn't realise and I guess it irked me a bit was that I had been lifting 15kg.  I would have hoped that someone would have come over and adjusted the weight for me being a newbie and all and explained how to lift correctly but they didn't. 

But there was still more to come.

Once the ten minutes was up then it was swappsies again for another 5 minutes of running - well walking for me.  Off I went. Around the field yet again.  My poor legs were killing me. I made it once around the circuit and then that was it, I was overdone.  I went to Vanessa and said that it was time for me to head off - I had to be at Roller Derby Scrimmage in 15 min.

So by the time I had done a 40 min boot camp session and spent 75 min doing Line Up Tracking and Jam Timing I was shattered.  I dreamt of having a bath but knew that if I found one to go soak in I'd never get out of it again without help lol.

Home, snack, shower, bed, asleep by 10.15.  Didn't even managed to watch the Phoenix play Melbourne.

Today I'm still feeling the pinch, especially in my back but I've decided I will go back, just not today. 

I'm thinking once a week to start with as a good easing in period until the weather changes and I cant get outside to walk or bike and then maybe twice a week will be the go.

Anyway I DID IT and I'm so proud of myself.

And in the end I WASN'T STUPID or What.  I was NUTS!!!!!!